In Loving Memory of Ava Kaye Blanton

Ava's pinwheel in the "Baby Lost Mother's Day" memory garden.Each family member got to put a small message inside their balloon and we all launched them at the same time. Ede, Ben and Levi in the center of the garden. Ede, Levi and Ben at Ava's grave site. We always visit when we go to Gaffney. It is important to me that they know who Ava is. I see graveyards so differently now......I see them when Christ comes again and the tears of JOY that will be shed as we reunite with our loved ones.

I am a different person because of Ava. I have been at the cross-roads where I had to make the decision to walk further away from my relationship with my Heavenly Father or to walk closer. I remember contemplating both options. I made my decision and even though some nights my prayers consisted simply of getting on my knees and saying "I know you are there but I am angry and I don't want to talk right now." I would linger on my knees and feel the deepest sorrow and despair turn to comfort and peace. I would get up from the floor to purposely push the good feelings away. I struggled with letting go of my pain because it was the only thing I had left of her. I never got to bring her home to create any kind of memory to hold onto. I was afraid that if I had no heart ache, that meant I had let go of the love I have for her. I know now, that it is not true. I will always feel somewhat of a void in my life and when I read my journal and remember my short time with Ava in my arms I know that it will always bring tears to my eyes and ache in my heart. I know that I will always feel the sting in my heart every time I see my children playing together and know that my family is "minus one". But Ava brought me to the place where some people never have the privilege to go. She took me to the place where everything I had ever been taught, everything that I thought I knew about God and the Plan of Salvation was tested and now when I say that I know that the Gospel of Jesus Christ is real and exists in it's entirety here on earth today......I mean it. Ava, you are a real and impressionable person in my life. I love you and cannot wait to hold you again.